Honestly, I could just leave it at that. That would be enough, “moms need sex too,” but as my career is mostly catering to the adult men of the world, it is blatantly known to me that these sentiments are unfortunately not shared. As a mother, and especially as a mom with a very, very high libido, it is imperative to my happiness that my sexual needs are respected and then met. There is an art to the balance.
Pushing for sex when a partner isn’t ready, is a horrible feeling to experience for all parties involved. As both the neglected spouse, and the nagged spouse, I’ve known both sides of this clawing pain. It can ruin sexual relationships faster than any sinking ship. It definitely takes a toll on ones own sexual identity. Nobody wants to feel burdened or pushed into something they don’t want, and conversely nobody wants bad, unenthusiastic pity sex.
Life is hard and our bodies all have different needs. Communicating about sex and compromising is the sexiest thing about being in a long term relationship. I feel secure knowing that my body will be respected, and I feel eager knowing that when I say go, I will be met with honesty and adult compromise to reach mutual fulfillment, or I’ll be met with an equal eagerness to play. Sometimes life takes a turn for the worse though. What do you do when there are long term dry spells and no amorous affections of any kind from your chosen?
You deal with it. Self love is the best love and it may be your only option for compromise. This may lead to feelings of isolation, shame, and dissatisfaction with oneself overall. Don’t. Just stop.
In order to maintain long term happiness and find completion in all aspects of life, you simply must accept that sometimes the bridge to a lifetime of sexual happiness must start alone. You are the only person in your body and peace has to come from yourself first and foremost. Nobody else will experience your entire life, so the onus of this burden is on each of us to make this happen and keep taking those steps to maintain it when we’re lucky enough to find it. It isn’t easy, far from it. My own journey to pursuing long term sexual happiness has had many, many bumps, and it has a few more major ones looming quickly on the horizon. When things like this happen, the only hope to regain any intimacy is to be patient, and take care of yourself while you wait. Take care of your lover no matter how rough things get. There has been a few instances in my life, where all manner of humiliation and loss of independence has forged an unshakably intimate bond with my partner. Health, be it mental or physical, crisis are the most trying on intimate relationships and these monumental life changes can destroy our sense of excitement at something we previously enjoyed.
At all times, be kind, be patient, be compassionate, be supportive, and have fun. These qualities can take a sex life, whether alone or shared, from Sahara to the tropics, and most importantly they make everyone participating feel loved and accepted. Life’s cyclical nature will bring back the tides of arousal, even if it sometimes takes lots and lots of waiting. Get creative in the meantime. 😉
