This makes week 9 since my radical hysterectomy on March 15th. Being only 9 weeks (7 technically when you account for catheter removal) post-op means that lots of things are changing, rearranging, and still actively healing. I’ve taken down all of the notices about my surgery because it was negatively impacting sales, but that doesn’t mean I’m done healing.

Until 8 weeks post-op, I haven’t been allowed to lift, stretch, bend at the waist, vacuum, do the dishes, wash or fold laundry, squat, kneel, hold anything heavier than a cup of water, exercise,and most importantly, film. I’ve only just now gained the ability to do some of these things this week, in moderation and with lots of assistance. Because of how long I’ve been in bed, both during the ordeal with Essure and due to healing after surgery, this timeline for me will take just a bit longer than the usual. My body needs to regain all of the muscle mass it lost while on the liquid diet and from the trauma, so it’s going to be a very slow process towards regaining “health” again.

Since my healing is an all body process and requires so much effort and time, I have not reopened custom videos for this reason. Most custom video requests do not take my health and capabilities into account, so I will not be accepting new custom requests for at least 2 more weeks. After that point, if I’ve gotten full clearance for me to begin exercising, then I will consider accepting no more than 3 adjusted scripts per week until August or until I feel up to it. I will not be accepting any masturbation, vaginal penetration, exercise, stretching, lifting, squatting, or inflexible requests. Any requests that fail to compromise or refuse to accommodate my health will be rejected and not considered for future filming.

As for my personal schedule, I’m focused completely on healing and getting daily life into a routine that fits all of my needs. Adjusting to life with new symptoms, as well as juggling old symptoms, and managing all of this while keeping my career on track and parenting in a happy place has proven to be a monumental task that I’m mostly coping with. Managing the house without me steering the wheel, has left my home ship in disarray and eager for a fresh routine and better delegations.

I’m still learning to be very patient with myself, and it’s very hard. I’m not used to not being able to do all the things, and while I feel worlds better than before surgery, I do still have regular chronic pain from my ovaries, the residual endometriosis, and the damage from the Essure. My body survived a war, and is still fighting small battles against infection and exhaustion. I’ve been receiving a number of regular custom video requests since my surgery and removing the disclaimer about the filming stop notice, and it really just fucking blows to be reminded of all the things I can’t do. Healing and still finding the patience to be polite to people who do not care about my health is incredibly frustrating and exceptionally fatiguing. So much of my energy is being expended just to heal, so there’s little left for anything else, and it feels like these callous, selfish requests are a slap in the face of my ability to function as “normal”. That’s not the case (well, certainly not in all of the scripts anyways), but it’s frustrating nonetheless. I, too, would like to be well and filming all the personalized scripts again, but I only have one body and one chance to do this all right.

My life is far more important than a temporary erection.

Any wrong choice means the difference between my vagina being on the inside of my body, where it belongs, and it being outside of my body…… I may be closer to the end of my surgical recovery, but my nerves are still reconnecting and my immune system is hosting a battle royal against the heavy metal poisoning from the Essure. It’s a lot. Patience is hard, but very necessary. I’m excited to start doing more things again, and eager for the slower paced schedule that recovering over summer promises to bring.